My frustration mounts and I loose my temper and patience with the kids once again. And once again I feel frustrated by my lack of self control and my choice to not choose grace. I repent to the kids and their eyes shine bright from forgiveness and they lavish me with hugs and there is no lingering of regret in them...for them all is new, wiped clean and good. But for me, the cloud of failure hangs heavy and taints the rest of my day and pours down again and again because I have not chosen to believe that I am truly redeemed, that I am truy forgiven.
And then God speaks to me that He does not lie and that when I repent and He, in that same instant forgives, all is new. All is redeemed. I am redeemed. There is no lingering cloud. And my heart finally gets it. The shock of light in my soul that no matter how many times I may fail, all I need do is repent and go forward knowing I am made new from that moment on. It's long been head knowledge but lives only change when the heart finally learns. It brings joy and peace and patience. Grasping a bit more fully of my hope gives me His fruit...all the virtues I so long to live.
I see more clearly than ever before that forgiveness is our hope. Without Christ's sacrifice and His resurrection, there would always be a cloud over us all, making each day hope void. But every day is a day filled with His new mercies, His grace, His love. Because of His forgiveness all my days can be good.
A good day is not one empty of mistakes but one full of forgiveness.
And then God speaks to me that He does not lie and that when I repent and He, in that same instant forgives, all is new. All is redeemed. I am redeemed. There is no lingering cloud. And my heart finally gets it. The shock of light in my soul that no matter how many times I may fail, all I need do is repent and go forward knowing I am made new from that moment on. It's long been head knowledge but lives only change when the heart finally learns. It brings joy and peace and patience. Grasping a bit more fully of my hope gives me His fruit...all the virtues I so long to live.
I see more clearly than ever before that forgiveness is our hope. Without Christ's sacrifice and His resurrection, there would always be a cloud over us all, making each day hope void. But every day is a day filled with His new mercies, His grace, His love. Because of His forgiveness all my days can be good.
A good day is not one empty of mistakes but one full of forgiveness.
2 comments:
You're not alone, Leah. I remember standing outside each of my kids' doors and praying that God would help them to forget my impatience and my sin. I still do that, and I often ask for forgiveness from my kids. It's a daily struggle, but God is good :)
Just stopped on over from Ann's place, and am so glad I did! Your words wrapped right around me in a big grace-hug. Oh! How I did need them this day.
Blessings, friend,
Bernadette from freedomjouranl
www.thefreedomjournal.blogspot.com
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